by Femi Thedrifish Lawal
I?ve noticed that being single, wanting to remain single and interacting with folks always results in confusion especially when attraction and sex is part of the equation.
Lines seem to always get blurred, crossed and tripped and I think its mainly because we still do relationship type things that confuse or might lead another person on or be lead on ourselves. So I figured I?d come up with a few guide line suggestions to help reduce the ?drama? we seem to experience.
This list is inspired by an unlikely song I recently recorded with Kristopher Newday & Bomani Armah produced by Kevin Powe Jr entitled One Night Stand.
1.
If you?re not ready for a relationship, commitment or the responsibility to care or be cared for by another, you shouldn?t activity go out trying to ?hola? at individuals. That right there would lead someone to believe you?re looking for someone to be with. Not saying you should turn down advances made to you but in those cases being honest with those who approach you and determine which of them are capable of handling only sexual encounters (sometimes people say they can but you know they can?t). Yes, I?m saying you have to think for people if you want to avoid complications and arguments that?ll have you saying to yourself, ?why the fuck we arguing like we?re in a relationship??
2.
Be mindful, having sex with someone, then hanging out with them, then sharing your dreams and desires while listening to theirs will only lead to someone catching feelings if there weren?t any strong feelings beyond physical attraction in the beginning. If it?s just sex, stop being so damn intimate, treat it like porn and not a soap opera.
3.
I personally don?t believe there are win-win situations. It?s hard being single and it?s work being in a commitment. Single folks want the comfort of the relationship without commitment (hence folks being lead on/ taken advantage of), while some in a committed relationships desire the options of single life when it?s convenient (hence cheating). Be a grown up and make a decision then enjoy the ups and accept the downs.
4.
If you?re seeing someone who has made it clear that they?re not interested in anything serious, put your ego or vanity aside and stop trying to over ride their decision by buying them shit, making yourself really accessible, being over accommodating; doing all you can to convince them that you?re the one (you?re not Neo or Jet Li). In almost all cases it?s a futile attempt and in the end you?re bitter at them instead of blaming yourself for not listening to them. Most of the time you?re looking for conquest, to make yourself feel great if you?re able change someone?s mind, which is an insecurity issue you need to deal with on your own.
5.
One thing the fellas and I joke about that I?m a share is, don?t fuck her brains out if you?re not that interested. Giving out platinum dick will cause for you to need an exorcist to remove the chick that is too into you. Not saying you should give her a bounce check sex but a good credit sex is good enough, get yours and make sure they get theirs. There is no need to stare into her soul while you?re stroking, fuck are you looking for? This applies to women too who hit dudes with the hypnotic poom-poom venus fly trap pussy clutch; put it on a dude you want to keep not the dude you want to go away once you?re finished.
6.
Why the fuck are you saying, ?I?m in love with you? and similar type statements when you don?t want be serious? Saying shit like that is serious and is the most conflicting thing to do to someone?s head, then you wonder why they won?t stop calling, crying, committing suicide over you and shit. Yeah it?s not your fault but own your part.
7.
Single folks should accept that their decision to be single means that they won?t have the consistent person to be vulnerable to. I know that sometimes you just want to bare your soul intimately with another beyond your best friend or a family member. That?s why mofo?s try to keep some of their ex?s in orbit just for that purposes but when their former lovers move on to a new commitment, they?re crushed even though it?s been like a year since they were committed. If you let go and just deal with being lonely and stay by yourself for a while by choice, you won?t feel alone.
8.
Without a commitment you really can?t have expectations of the other person. Like if you want to see them and they don?t feel like it, fuck are you getting mad for? Wait until we both want to see each other at the same time and get a life. You making someone that doesn?t want to be serious your only option for company and that is a failed venture. Ultimately you?ll be mad at them instead of holding yourself accountable.
9.
You don?t have to or let them spend the night. You?re an adult, you can leave or tell them to leave once you?re done ?smanging? (smashing & banging). Some say it?s rude, I say it?s uncomfortable to be all spooned up when it?s just attraction with no affection.
10.
This one goes with #4. Don?t let people invest in you. You want to be single but you?re accepting gifts or affection that you know are inappropriate to receive? You?re only asking for drama and yeah you can say, ? if they?re stupid enough to offer it then I?m a take it? but people?s feelings are unpredictable, results may vary and can be over the top. I say this because the investments can be so emotional that once they realize you?re fucking with them even though you?ve been upfront, they might try to harm your ass and we?ve heard those stories over and over again. Don?t fuck with people?s feeling intentionally and minimize it mistakenly cause that only proves you?re being oblivious.
11.
You?re single, you can kick it with whomever so why are you upset when one of your whoever?s is kicking it with whomever that?s not you? You?re just being possessive but you don?t want a commitment? You?re insecure, sound real stupid and should be stoned like in the good ole days.
That?s all I have right now, hopefully this has been helpful. Remember the only thing that separates us from animals is that we have thumbs and can build shit to destroy ourselves. Mind you, these aren?t the rules of dating, when you like someone and go out with them to get to know them better.
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